The Baal Thsuva : Mixed Marriages and Families Part 2

The Baal Thsuva : Mixed Marriages and Families Part 2

in honor of the Lubavitcher Rebbe's Birthday on 11 Nissan 5773


There is a famous Thsuva of Rabbi Moshe Fienstien Z"L ( Egros Moshe Yora Deah Chelek Alef) discussing the heter-"permissibility" of "cholov -stam" .

To explain, the Torah prohibits milk from non kosher animals i.e.  camels, horses etc.

Chalav Yisroel : means that a Jew supervised the milking of the animal and saw it was from a kosher animal and nothing UN-kosher was mixed into it.

Chalav Akum : means milk that is from a gentle where no such supervision occurred and the suspicion of non-kosher milk being mixed into it is real.


Chalav Stam: is where though a Jew did not supervise the milking, there are other reasons that are strong enough to compel the gentile to only have in the milk the ingredients he say is there i.e. fear of government and loss of his license etc.

Hence R" Moshe says; though it is best to have "cholov yisroel, especialy for Jewish children, he explains that in the USA where a company has government regulation and supervision, it would not be worth for a company to lie and mix in non kosher milk when he claims it kosher. It would cost them more then what it is worth.

 In terms of halacha this is called "mirsas" -fear, the gentile- company is afraid to lie.

Taking this a step further, we see Hashem allows his name to be erased in the case of a "Sota", the women who is suspected of being with another man outside of her husband.

G-d says erase my name to clarify whether this was indeed the case and allow the marriage to be saved.

From all of the above we have a few ideas to consider.


1- in the case where children are involved in a marriage and a spouse has decided to leave or be lax in yiddsihkiet. Would that qualify as the case of the child being taken away from yiddishkiet?

Is one allowed to "break" the  shabbat to save the yiddishkiet of their children while they are at home being influenced by a family member to be lenient.

Perhaps we can not be mchalal a derosa- a biblical prohibition, nor can anyone say with certainty to desecrate  a d'rabanon- rabbinic one, however the case here is that it is not you that is committing the sin but the person in the house who is not interested  in yiddishhkiet at this time.

And they are encouraging or acting in away that says ; "this is a chumra" and unnecessary stringency"  or "this is only derabonon" a rabbinic decree"  or  " its all fanaticism and just extreme"...regarding a custom or rabbinic fence i.e. muktza.


in a case like this a) its not you who are committing this sin b) nor is it due to your actions that that person is sinning  c) we know that many children at risk and adults who have lost their love for yiddishkiet have been raised in broken homes. and in this case a family member is doing the "shmad" anti-religion campaign?

Now a) does the couple need to divorce r'l  b) is a "macho" - protest needed every time, or is it enough you do it from time to time, being that every time a protest is made a family fight irrupts.

Is it in the right of the "frum" spouse to decide to stay in the marriage and not protest all the time and/ or allow some "kullolt" - lenience in the home , so that the family stays together.

There is a better chance that the children will have at least some yiddisjhkiet instaed of abondaining it all r"l.

take the case of chalav stam.

i know of a Baal Tshuva couple who married late in life, one was more committed then the other to Yiddishkiet. B"H they had children and one of them wanted only "cholov yisroel" in the home the other did not care and brought in "chalav stam". Every time the spouse would bring it home , when that one left the other would run to the fridge, freezer and remove it.

Now what is the issue?

 Is the  person feeding to it the children? Then yes you have a right to protest , as you both have a say in how to raise the children.

However what if it is for the personal use of that person and their taste of food.

They are not feeding it to anyone else in the family nor negating "chalav yisreol" they only refuse to budge due to personal preference.

Does the spouse have a right to remove it from the home?

Is the loss greater then the gain in long term?

Many cases can be discussed.

A Baal Tshuva child invited home to eat. The parents are insulted by their child's refusal to eat in their home. Must he demand every chumra or swallow at times their demands,

If say ,its not exactly the type of "hechsher"- kosher supervision he is used too ,as long as it is glatt kosher and a reliable kosher supervision should he accept it, or put up a fight?

And certainly not try to teach them.

Many cases can be discussed.

 The question here is whether a Baal Tshuva finds themselves in a certain situations, may they according to Halacha- Jewish Law,  rely on doing a "bedeved " an "after that fact " solution "Lechatchila- " from the start.

Of course each case much be discussed with a competent Orthodox Rav and the Rav must in addition to possessing knowledge of Jewish Law, must  know "The Fifth Book of Shulchan Aruch"  know as "Secehl" common sense.

G-d willing next issue " The Baal Tshuva and Dating"

Wishing all a Kosher , Healthy and Happy Yom Tov and Gelua Now!

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