fabrenta chosid- a burnt out chossid

fabrenta chosid- a burnt out chossid


i am too old to start again but not old enough, to not want to..,

to old to listen to eighth day but not old enough to hear dvekus chabad all day.



the "atzabim" sadness is from the idols of "gold" and 'silver"

love and fear of g-d ..."masa yida adom".....made by a human being- " chossid'



while davening "bavoda" and imagining he achieved a true service of hashem.

only to realize he set himself up for a fall.



"peh lhem" "mouths they have that speak chasidus:....but it is " lo yidaberu" ..

gornisht gezogt....nothing said...



'anaim lhom"...eyes they have.. but do not see" what they are and or the lesson and

hashgocho in each thing...


"aznnaim"..."ears they have....... but do not hear".....what they themselves are preaching..



a burnt out chossid too old to change, not old enough that it does not matter any more.

old enough to remember but not young enough to work on believing again....


haven fallen to many times to believe that just more time will make it work ,yet

to old to stop mechanically trying once again..Ulai--Efsher....maybe try just one more time keeps ringing in the head...

but the reality is :

ach lelokim.....domi nefshi....all i can do is silent my soul and look " lellokim...

to Hashem but yet hope that midos hadin; Elokim will become Rachamim...

a sparkle of light

what happens to the sparkle of light that reflects,




from the top curve of a wave which twinkles and shines and then disappears when the sun light or wave has moved on?



what happens to the shadow stretched across the ground once the sun has set?



does the tree care which way its branches are bent?



is the light bulb bothered to know into which socket it will be turned into and event or room it will illuminate?




what happens to the efforts put into a project that is not blessed yet or ever with success?



Or to years gone by and with no measure of them passing or act to record the time spent or to what it went ?



where does the laugh of the laughter go once the laughing is done?




there is no accident , even the direction the leaf turns when blown,



by the wind or which breath of wind blows that specific leaf that too is exact.



no event whether "meaningless" or not is forgotten or spent.



even the redness of the cheek gone flush and now gone when the shame is over.



The shine upon the skin of the sinners from sweat now dry when their energy has left,



or the clothing of the "chosid" drenched in sweat after a simchos torah "tanse" now rumpled and hanging on for dear life on a 770 bench....



To G-d all matters and exist forever in the present tense....



Only He can interpret each event , yet man's gift is his ability to "change" what



view Hashem will see in each of these occurrences when the time comes for each of them to be explained, weighed and paid.

Points of darkness

Points of darkness

i am at my point of darkness, the ebb and flow of light has ceased and

cannot find ( reach) this ( my place) place.

there is no reason or emotion to fight nor to even flight.

the inside says : "give in" .."why put up a fight".."let's for-go the struggle"...

"just give in...and go"...

with resolve that is not yours and with strength u know not from where............you hold on.

you know not why , for to you, it is but a line drawn in the sand.

perhaps, you try to convince yourself....

the point of darkness is really the other side of light...

it is like a two sided coin.

on one side darkness, and on the other side light.

the point of its user, is to examine the state of being and compels to emerge from it

and to live on.

does the point of darkness serves as a light to illuminate what we are and what we seek?

is it a brighter shine then ordinary light that seems to blind, but really brings hope and a greater understanding of the life we live?

for in the end by force and not for reasons understood by us or power of our own,

we are still a here and alive .

even more ....still trying to live like a jew in this world,