netzutzie tiffila -sparks of prayer

netzutzie tiffila- sparks of prayer: the morning prayers begin with a prayer said while still in bed as soon as one arises from sleep. it is: Modai ani lefanecho melech chai vkayam shhectezarta be nishmosi bchemlo rabbah emonosecha" “I thank you G-d, King who is everlasting who returned my soul to me with compassion; great is your faithfulness” . this prayer is not only an acknowledgment that G-d has returned our soul to us and our indebtedness to Him but ever more so an affirmation of life itself and our belief that it has a divine purpose to fulfill. it is a statement that G-d has decided that our life is worth living and He sees a purpose in it yet to be accomplished hence He returns the soul to us for another day to work at fulfilling that purpose. I know of an elderly Jewish Holocaust survivor, widowed twice, living alone who wakes every morning with regret thinking g-d should take His soul at night instead waking him up, G-d forbid. he sees no purpose in his life only another day to suffer and to find something to do to make it pass quicker.. sweep the leaves- go to senior center etc. this man has suffered much both with his family being killed in the Holocaust and he by being all alone. but one does not need to go through hell to feel all is lost in the life. the every day grind of life and its responsibilities can make one wonder whether it is all worth it. By saying in the morning " i thank you G-d for returning my soul to me give us the understanding that our life is in G-d's hands and if He saw fit to return it. Life has a purpose, not only in the collective sense but for each and every one of us as individuals. more so G-d returns our soul to us in the same continuum of the life we lived before we went to bed. you wake up in the same house, with the same family, the same habits and challenges. hence the life you are living is not an accident , G-d is giving you the exact same surrounding you had before you went to bed. this is your life, the life you where meant to live and this is the life that you must succeed in with G-d's help. G-d who creates the world every moment is recreating you life anew with the same circumstance as yesterday He in His infinite wisdom understands that this is the life you must live. it is your life he tailored made for you. embrace it do not attempt to escape it. halacha explains that this prayer can be said even before washing our hands for no name of G-d is in it. however chassidus explains that we connect with G-d in this prayer on a deeper level; one that transcends the description of even G-d's names. for as explained the soul has five different names and G-d too, has seven names that cannot be erased. the "modai ani "said with no holy name in it is the essence of the jew speaking directly to the essence of G-d Himself. it is the part of the soul that is above any name adressing G-d the way He transcends His names. indeed so great is this moment that there where many a holy rabbi and pious people who even before the "moda ani" prayer would say a personal and private prayer in their own words at that time to G-d. essence to essence. coming from the pintele yid addressing its own very core and source; G-d.